Rehearsal, Ceremony, and Transportation

It's easy to get bogged down in the details of wedding planning -- especially for aspects of the wedding that have so many components, like the rehearsal and the ceremony, and for the more mundane items on your checklist, such as transportation. Remember to keep the overall picture in mind, and always try to add a personal touch to each detail you both plan. Don't forget you can click on the links for worksheets to help you with each step.

The Rehearsal

The rehearsal is incredibly important, not only for obvious reasons, but also because it reduces the risk of ceremony surprises, tends to relax the wedding party, and gives his side a chance to mingle with her side. It also makes the reception even more fun and personal.

The worksheet link above provides a cheat sheet of everything you both need to remember about the rehearsal, including what you both should take along (such as the wine and the marriage license) that you will need on your actual wedding day.

Rehearsal Party

The rehearsal party immediately follows the official rehearsal. While the party is traditionally hosted by the groom's family, more and more groom's parents now choose instead to help with the overall reception costs, which, with the exception of the bar bill, were traditionally covered only by the bride's parents.

The rehearsal party is a chance for the bride and groom to mingle with loved ones and introduce wedding attendants from his family to wedding attendants from her family. It's also traditionally the time for the couple to give gifts to each wedding party attendant. 

Rehearsal parties can run the gamut. They can be quite formal or casual. They can be in a restaurant or a private home. They can include dinner or simply be drinks and appetizers. In other words, anything goes and anything is acceptable.

All members of the wedding party are included on the rehearsal party guest list, as well as their spouses. All parents, the officiant (and his or her spouse), and the coordinator (if any) are also invited. Some couples also invite other wedding vendors (the musicians, photographer, etc.) and out-of-town guests, but that is entirely optional.

The Ceremony

This is the time to acknowledge every fantasy and recall every wedding ceremony that has touched the bride's and groom's heart -- whether the ceremony was your best friend's, your Aunt Mabel's, or a scene on the big screen starring Audrey Hepburn. Indulge yourselves and your most romantic dreams. The only real limitations are budget and size. (In other words, you both want to make sure the ceremony site can hold all of your guests.)

The Ceremony Site

Personal Touches
Even if you both are planning a traditional ceremony, there are still ways to personalize the event:
  • Switch places. Have the officiant stand with his or her back toward the guests while you both face the guests.

  • Consider a small ceremony. The smaller the guest list, the more options you have, such as asking guests to join hands in a circle around the bride and groom.

  • Ask both sets of parents to participate in the processional. Instead of looking at it as the bride's father giving her away, think of it as two families joining together.

  • Let the bride walk down the aisle with the groom. This is often done by older brides, but many young women also choose this option.

A ceremony does just as much to set the tone of the wedding day as anything else. If the bride and groom belong to the same church, synagogue, or temple and they want a traditional ceremony, choosing the ceremony site is simple. If, however, they want a more unique ceremony or if they do not belong to the same religious organization, then they may need to do a little hunting to find the perfect site.

There are four general ceremony styles for you both to choose
from. Each of the four styles has plenty of room for personal expression.

  • Traditional: A traditional ceremony is performed in a church, synagogue, or temple by a religious leader. (A military ceremony is also considered traditional.)

  • Contemporary: This ceremony is most often in a historical building, museum, garden, or along a shoreline. There generally still are seats, an aisle, and a religious officiant.

  • Unique: These "extreme" ceremonies are held underwater, on mountaintops, in the air, or wherever your fantasy leads you. It takes a lot of courage to select this style, and you can expect more than the average number of regrets. If it's your dream, though, go for it!

  • Private: Reserved women fall in love and get married, too -- they just don't want to be on center stage. For these people, a private ceremony at city hall or a small religious site is perfect. They can then have a large party, with lots of mingling and no spotlights, at another time.

No matter how extravagant or simple the couple's dreams are for the ceremony site, it's important they keep track of all the details, including such things as the maximum number of guests, fee involved, and attire restrictions.

Ceremony Costs

There are several standard fees associated with the wedding ceremony. The following areas are all considered normal add-on fees and should be included in the budget. In the end, all of these additional fees add value to your ceremony.

  • Officiant: This is the person who actually performs the ceremony, legally pronouncing you husband and wife. The officiant may be a religious leader at the church, synagogue, or temple where you will hold your ceremony; a religious leader invited to your ceremony site from another church, synagogue, or temple; or a judge or justice. Whoever the person is, there will be a fee (or donation) for the service. Be sure to provide a schedule to the officiant so he or she knows exactly what you have planned for the ceremony.

  • Site fee: There are often additional fees beyond the building in which you hold the ceremony. These are generally for decorative items used to set up the site to your liking or items associated with religious traditions. Some of the add-on fees may include an aisle runner, candelabras and candles (if permitted), the altar or chuppah, knee cushions, canopy, and chairs (if necessary in addition to the pews).

  • Special services: Certain services outside the jurisdiction of your officiant or site manager include cleanup services, parking services, setup services, or tear-down services. These normally have an additional fee.

Wedding Vows

There was a time when the wedding vows were more or less set in stone. Those days, however, are gone. And while that's good news for those who are looking for another way to express their love, it also means one more thing for the bride and groom to worry about. Here are your choices:

  • Traditional vows: If you are having a religious ceremony with traditional vows, there is still room for input. Read through the customary vows to make sure you find nothing contradictory with your beliefs, such as things that you think are outdated or sexist. Consider inserting special readings or poems. Sometimes family and friends are invited to read scriptures or poetry.

  • Self-written vows: Many brides and grooms write their own vows. A few suggestions are to acknowledge the guests and the importance of their presence; explain the qualities you most love about your future spouse or tell your hopes for the future.

The Receiving Line

Stress-Busters for
the Ceremony
It's a fact that the bride and groom will probably be nervous on their wedding day. Here are ways to relieve the stress:
  • Eat before the ceremony.

  • Pay any outstanding balances before the ceremony.

  • Prepare an emergency kit filled with aspirin, a few extra pairs of pantyhose, mints, hair and safety pins, tissues, a sewing kit, tampons, a few energy bars, and so on.

  • Allow extra time for activities. Everything tends to take longer than expected.

  • Whenever possible, delegate.

The receiving line is a special chance for guests to officially meet the bride's and groom's families, as well as an opportunity to personally congratulate the newlyweds. This line is usually formed directly after the ceremony, with guests offering their congratulations as they move on to the reception. It can also be formed so that guests arriving at the reception must first pass through the line. It's perfectly fine to keep conversation brief (yet still somewhat personal).

Transportation

Some might consider limousine service on your wedding day extravagant, but it is a surprisingly affordable luxury -- and an appropriate indulgence when you consider the miles of lace the bride will be wearing. Check out several transportation company candidates before settling on one -- many offer great deals if you both search hard enough.

A limousine can be used both before and/or after the ceremony. For example, the bride and her attendants could take a limo to the church. The couple (and possibly the best man and maid/matron of honor) could also be whisked away to the reception in a limousine. And remember there are several romantic alternatives to a limousine service. For example, the couple may be able to rent an antique car or hire a horse and carriage.

One trend is to find a way to keep the whole wedding party together in transit. This can include anything from renting a trolley (check the Yellow Pages for any local companies) to renting a mini-bus (available through many limousine services). This allows the entire wedding party to have a private post-ceremony celebration together.

Beyond hiring transportation for yourselves and the wedding party, you may want to consider paying for valet parking for your guests. If the ceremony and reception are at a fine hotel, they probably already offer this service -- which you can often secure at a reduced rate. If this service is not part of your ceremony or reception package, consider hiring parking attendants. This is a particularly thoughtful gesture if your ceremony is someplace where street parking is difficult.

You' both have walked down the aisle, exchanged vows, puckered up for the all-important kiss -- and now it's party time! In the next section we will help you both plan your wedding reception.

Say "I Do" With Flair
An unconventional ceremony location -- selected for a personal reason by the bride and groom -- lends a modern and creative touch to the day. If any of the suggestions sound interesting, you both can usually find resources through your city's tourist bureau or chamber of commerce, the Yellow Pages, or local wedding coordinators.
  • Private clubs or hotels: If you select a private establishment, you may need to be a member or have a member's sponsorship.

  • Private homes or gardens: Look for dramatic features, such as a grand staircase or an elaborate garden. If the garden is what attracts you, ask the home owner when the flowers are peaking and schedule your wedding accordingly.

  • Cruise ships or boats.

  • Mountains, parks, or beaches: There may even be an on-site city-owned facility that has rooms to rent for weddings. Try calling the local parks and recreation department.

  • Wineries or orchards.

  • Historical or public sites.

  • Art galleries or museums.

  • Resorts or bed-and-breakfast inns: These are especially well suited for weekend weddings.